The empty boat

Why do we get frustrated and irritated with other people? Is it because we have expectations about how they should behave or how things should be? Is it because we have no control over them? What if we dropped our expectations and met people as they are?

There is a little zen story that illustrates the difference between getting worked up by an incident and meeting ‘what is’.

Picture yourself in a rowboat, rowing across a smooth, foggy lake. Out of the mist comes another rowboat, and it is about to collide into yours. “Why isn’t the person in it watching where they are going?” you ask yourself in frustration. Anger arises in you at this inconsiderate action and may interfere with you manoeuvring out of the way.

Now picture exactly the same situation except that the boat that is about to bump into yours is without a pilot. This time, you simply steer your boat around the empty boat and move on. Without having to deal the psychological conflict, you are more free to simply respond to the event appropriately.

In life, I wonder if it is possible to act as if the rowboats coming at us are empty. The action of others are often likely to interfere with our plans, our needs or our sense of order, and most of the time it is much easier to adapt ourselves to the situations rather than battling with them. Other people around us, especially our friends and family members may start doing the same and this may start a virtuous cycle of people able to navigate together more harmoniously.


Photo: Taylor Davidson