When the Way Ahead is Blurry


As I sit at my desk, I can hear the sound of a clock. We like to know what comes next. It gives us a sense of security. We like patterns, rituals, the known – the taste of the familiar… it gives us comfort.

Yet, we also crave for a break from the monotony of every-day existence, for the unexpected, and for freedom. The sense of adventure that comes with the new, the stimulation from a new body, the desire to travel to foreign lands… all feeds an unsatiable demand for more.

This is a sort of sabbatical year for me, and so far I have filled my days with activities, some repetitive, some regular and others more unique. Yet there does not seem to be a guiding thread. I am very grateful for most of them and I take things one day at a time. At times my heart is content and does not really wish for more, at others I feel restless and want to change everything.

It all started simple: few commitments and no sense of urgency. But things are getting more complex. With every new meeting comes more responsibilities and we say yes to more.

This is where this project comes in. A desire to discover what matter most, to have a sense of focus and most importantly to complete worthwhile projects. Apparently there is such a thing as choiceless awareness. I like the sounds of this, yet I have never really experienced it. At the moment, I stay with the confused old self, writing down my intentions, choosing to let go of the past and happy to move on… As I travel along, one thing is becoming clearer though is that the way ahead is blurry.