Tag Archives: change

Write the Change

Writing can be transformative. The core intention of writing on Breangelo.net is to explore what helps us “Breathe the change we want to see in the world”.

This blog started two and a half years ago with a seven-week writing challenge and, after a few months of regular posting, it petered out. Writing came to a stand still after a powerful ten-day Vipassana meditation retreat in  December 2016. It is not often that one gets radical insights and sometimes these can be derailing. Two year later, after an enriching fallow stretch, where I have been mostly writing by hand in diaries, there is a wish to share some of these insights on this pratform. Three themes thread them together:

  • everything is in constant flux,
  • important changes have to come from within before they can manifest externally
  • and thought is at the core of almost everything we struggle with.

Writing is a special mirror that can uncover our understanding and help us grow. Stay tuned if, like me, you are interested in discovering more meaningful ways to challenge yourself and contribute to making our earth great again.

This quote by the 13th-century poet, Rumi, particularly resonates with the current phase of enquiry :

“Yesterday I was clever,
so I wanted to change the world.
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.”

The intention is there, now let us write the change…

Breathfully yours,

L*

 

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The Habit of Thought

habit-of-thoughtMost people believe that there are good and bad habits. In the last few years, I have been focusing on getting rid of bad habits and establishing ‘healthy’ ones. I have also been interested in awareness, mindfulness, and presence. Habits tend to make us mechanical, and one wonders if there is such a thing as a good habit?

At times, I wish that I had a distinct habit such as smoking or biting my nails – clearly noticeable by others and obvious – so that I could work at understanding the mechanism and attempt dropping it. Unfortunately, it would seem that I am not addicted to any substances such as coffee, tea, alcohol or even sugar. I am not claiming to be free of habits, but I would like to identify a conspicuous habit that I could focus on and tackle.

Some years back, my eldest son observed that I always seemed to start talking as soon as there was a silence. I have to admit that I am very talkative – even verging on being a compulsive talker and I wonder if that would be the right candidate?

Interestingly, I am about to embark on an experiment that is the perfect opportunity to tackle it head-on. I am on my way to Nashik in Western India where I will go on a 10-Day Vipassana Meditation retreat. It is the first time that I will be quiet for longer than a few hours! It will undoubtedly challenge my talking habit.

The real intention of the retreat, though is to go into a more deep-seated habit still: the habit of thought. Could it be the habit that ends them all?

Breather*
Photo credit: Vincentiu Solomon

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First, put your house in order

put-your-house-in-order

I am writing this blog post on a bumpy minibus journey to the outskirts of Bangalore. The road that we are on has been turned upside down as a new metro line is under construction in its very centre. Such chaotic cityscape makes me wonder why there is so much disorder in the world and reminds me of my internal fragmentation and my longing for outer harmony.

“First, put your house in order” is one of the earliest phrases that I heard from Krishnamurti when I was studying at Brockwood at the tender age of fourteen. This statement is both meant literary and metaphorically, for as we embark on understanding ourselves and meeting the challenge of change, it seems essential to have a certain amount of order not only in our physical surroundings but internally. Thirty-three years later, I find myself not anywhere closer to having put my house in order. Why?

To be honest, until now I have never taken this advice very seriously, nor did I really understand what it really entailed. In the last week or so, I have been provoked to contemplate the issue a little deeper, and I feel quite clear that it is something that I want to work on. As I find myself in a new environment, with few belongings and little commitments, there is an opportunity to reevaluate the source of disorder and clear the  clutter. A great amount of energy can be gained from having a healthy rhythm: going to bed and getting up early and being regular about it; eating and enjoying fresh, nutritious, modest meals; practicing a balanced and gentle exercising regime; walking and having quiet meditative moments; participating in meaningful work with others; and giving and receiving affection.

Once the body and our emotional needs are taken care of, it is valuable to start putting some order in our head. If the mind is busy like a cityscape, it may be hard; on the other hand, if it is more like the wind in branches, then the work seem more tangible.

It would seem that it is not something that is done once for all, but rather something that needs to be regularly maintained. If we take the metaphor of the house, it is easier to keep a house tidy if we keep on top of the disorder as it arises, and inversely, it becomes much more difficult if things accumulate to the point of being overwhelming. But perhaps the most important step is to have the clarity that one wants ‘order’ in the first place and that one is ready to commit time and energy to it. The decision to do something about it is instantaneous, the act of tidying takes time and consistency.

Finally, one needs to remember that making order is probably just the first step – for the real work is more complex and requires even more energy to address.

We have reached our rural destination and the environment seems so much more harmonious and conducive to meaningful relationships and learning.

So are you ready to put your ‘country’ house in order?

Breather*

Photo credit: Terri Bleeker

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Taking care of ourselves

Taking care of ourselves

Looking after ourselves is a sacred act. I am not talking here about occasionally treating ourselves “because we are worth it”, nor am I suggesting emphasizing self-centred activities, rather it is about caring for our mind and body regularly as if it was a temple. But what does it mean practically to take care of ourselves?

First and foremost, it is about having the right attitude. It starts with loving-kindness. We cannot properly look after anything or anyone unless we have respect. In other words, regardless of how healthy we are, we must appreciate our bodies and our minds as they are. Being grateful is the opposite of taking things for granted. It is essential that we are grateful for that heart that is beating; for all the different functions of the body; for our senses that feel, that see, that hear, that smell and that taste; for our brains and our abilities to think and question; for our faculty of adaptation and our potential to apply our wisdom.

We need to understand who we are and to have unconditional love for ourselves, and that means letting go of ideas about how we should be. It is fine to have good intentions but much too often we spend a tremendous amount of energy struggling to live up to our ideals and feel frustrated. To accept ourselves as we are – as a fact – without identifying with it or fixing it – is powerful. It is only when we really see something for what it is that we are freed up to act and go beyond the present state.

Once we have accepted who we are, it is possible to change mindfully. A good place to start is on establishing a healthy rhythm. Some of our most basic physical needs require regularity, like sleeping, eating, exercising, and relaxing. They form the basis of self-care and what the French call “hygiene de vie”. All those needs can be improved if we put our attention to them and give them space in our schedules. Over the last few months, I have managed to establish a good morning and evening routine and I am amazed about how it has impacted my overall well-being. Contrastly, I am now away from home and I have had a very erratic  rhythm and I really feel disorientated and emotionally tired.

Finally, we need to do quite the opposite with our thinking, relationships, and active life. Habits, routine and staying in our comfort zones really does not nourish our souls. Our thoughts much too often go in circles, our relations can become stale and our work monotone. Self-care in this arena is to be creative, alert and ready to take risks. Although neither supple or strong, I am currently doing a month-long bi-lingual Ashtanga yoga teacher training course in Barcelona. Not only am I learning language (Spanish), but I am also having to adapt to a whole new way of understanding my body limits. It is of course not necessary to travel or learn a new skill to renew ourselves, it just requires the willingness to think differently and the desire to meet life afresh every day. A good friend of mine once remarked:

“The body needs regularity and routine and the mind does not – but we tend to do it the other way round. We sleep, eat and exercise erratically and feed our brains the same food”.

Taking care of ourselves is about learning the art of living and addressing our physical, intellectual and emotional needs. Our bodies need rituals and our minds need freedom.

L.

Photo: Joshua Sortino

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Growing like a garden

Growinglike
Many of us would love to mould our lives as if it was clay, but it is more like a garden that can not be tamed. It will always surprise us and remind us that we are rarely in control.

Our current society is very result oriented. Success is often seen as a destination, not a journey. Instead of focusing on results, is it not better to pay attention to the process? Instead of asking the question: “What do I want?”, how about asking “what do I need?” Understanding the limits and consequences of the path we take is also important. After all, we may not be blank canvases capable of doing whatever we chose to do.

Whereas I understand that it is possible to limit ourselves wrongly, it is good to remember that there are some things that we have no control over and that if we go against the grain, we are likely to exert a lot of effort (and get splinters). I suggested that we are a bit like an eco-system, let’s simplify the simile further and use the image of a low maintenance garden. If we understand the soil, the exposure to the elements and the relationship the species have on each other, we are likely to grow healthy plants that nearly look after themselves. Instead of spending all of our time labouring and solving issues, we can marvel at the unfolding growth and the maturing of our garden.

So instead of trying to be different from who we are, is it possible to nurture ourselves and our relationships to provide the right conditions for growth. This may involve, having a healthy rhythm, doing exercise, expressing our creativity, being of service and maintaining our relationships. That does not mean that we close the door to proactive change. The transformation is called for is a more caring and less controlling.

Many people claim that we should become masters of our destinies. It is an attractive idea. However, over the last few years, I have come to question the strife of constantly trying to better ourselves. Aren’t we happier when we accept ourselves and follow our hearts? Something changes when we start looking after ourselves and caring. We can witness the flowering.

Breather*

One sentence journal – day 3:
“Why is it so difficult to comprehend that the earth is old and that it was beaming with life for millennia before we came about? The Natural History Museum in London made its mark on my heart.”

This blog is part of a renewed 42-day writing challenge inspired by Leo Babauta’s Zen Habits Book.
Photo: Stephanie Krist

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Will you be my partner?

partner-in-rhyme

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice, however, theory most usually remains theory. When it comes to making a change in one’s life, we are often told that we can do it on our own and that it is just a matter of willpower. Anyone who has struggled with getting rid of a habit has most likely experienced that willpower alone is not enough. So how do we stay on track when the will is lacking?

If you want to write a thriller, find a partner in crime. If you want to write poetry, find a partner in rhyme. Join a club or even start one and commit to sharing your work regularly. Make other members accountable. The same could be said for exercise, meditating or learning a new skill. We are social animals and tend to be more motivated when we can share our successes and setbacks. It is much easier to keep to a promise we make to someone else than one we only make to ourselves.

Willpower is a strange animal. At times, we can actually rely on it. At others, it has a will of its own! The chimp in us may be more wired to respond to social pressures and social incentives. This is where help from the outside can make a big difference.

Find a partner or even better create your own accountability team. Trust me, it is so much easier when you partner up with people who are willing to support you in exchange for your support.

In theory, we can make changes on our own without anybody’s help.
In practice, we need partners!

Breather*

Photo: Loic Lopez

This blog is part of a renewed 42-day writing challenge inspired by Leo Babauta’s Zen Habits Book.

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Take that first step

first step (1)“Watch out for that first step: it’s a doozie!”, “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” – “The first step is the last step.” If starting is so powerful, no wonder why some of us find it so difficult to start? We procrastinate, we may be uneasy to meet the blank page, we imagine that it is going to be difficult and that the first kiss, so to speak, could spoil things. The trick is to start with a tiny step and to keep moving even if it feels a little uncomfortable.

When we look closer, there are good reasons why we have these apprehensions. Starting something new may be exciting, but it can also be a bit daunting. If we venture out of our comfort zone, we may get lost or waste our precious time or energy.  We could over-commit, go astray, or even avoid something else more important.  Doubts often serve a purpose; we must listen to them. However, we must not let them take over or let them get in the way.

Is it possible to see the facts and let go of our fears for a moment and to make that first gentle step? It does not have to be a jump. Learning by doing, is probably the richest way of progressing. If you need to exercise – go for that walk. If you have to revise for an exam, pick up that textbook and start studying. If you find yourself procrastinating instead of working on your novel, start writing now with no further delay. It is as simple as that.

Finally, we also need to know when to stop. It is tempting to get going, but it is important not to overdo it. The trick is to learn to stop in a right place; it makes it so much easier to start making the first step the next day.

Breather*

Photo credit: Jake Hills

This blog is part of a renewed 42-day writing challenge inspired by Leo Babauta’s Zen Habits Book.

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Ridiculously Easy

Spoonfulofsugar

The issues we are considering here are very complex: change, transition, self-knowledge, and transformation. However, if we put it like this, it becomes rather daunting. So, we are going to take the ridiculously easy route. Is it possible, I wonder, to simplify without losing the depth? For the next six weeks, we will be exploring the learning that comes from the challenges of gradual change.

If you are following this blog, I would strongly recommend that you choose a meaningful change that you want to make. To start with it would be better if it was not something too ambitious or that you want to quit. Rather, choose something positive you would like to introduce into your life. Regardless of what you take on, the approach that we are going take comprises of taking tiny steps.

Take a few minutes right now to think about the change you chose and make it ridiculously easy. What is the smallest step you can take to get started? If you want to lower your sugar intake – just reduce the sugar you put in your first drink by just a few grains. It should be so easy that you feel like you’re making it too easy on yourself. Write down the easy step; it will be your practice for the first week.

My challenge is to feel more at ease with sharing my writing. I have been working on this for more than a year now, and it has not been a smooth ride. I am making some impressive progress, and I feel that I am learning about the nature of change in the process. In the beginning, I took tiny steps – I started with just writing one sentence a day. Remember that each incremental change has to be ridiculously easy. My challenge currently is to simply to show up daily and write or rewrite a paragraph or two for about twenty-five minutes and to stop before there is a hint of effort. Compared to how it used to be, it has become ridiculously effortless!

Until tomorrow,

Breather*

This blog is part of a renewed 42-day writing challenge inspired by Leo Babauta’s  Zen Habits Book.

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Create Space

Space

We need space. To start understanding the chemistry of change, we have to be actively involved in the process and create the necessary space. Now that we have committed to making a change, we need to prepare the ground and establish a rhythm. Although the main intention is to create a positive habit, the process is what matters.  In the next six weeks, I am going to do my best to share the relevant learning that comes along the way.

A habit is a bit like a piece of furniture – it needs physical space. Therefore, it is important to choose the right habits if we don’t want to clutter our lives. We can, of course, try something and later realise that we don’t want it, but ideally, it is desirable to think carefully and to listen to one’s intuition before we commit to making a change. Once committed, you have to create a space for it both physically and psychologically. This may require moving other things to make space for it. This is where the Habit Plan comes in.

The advice today is to write up a simple plan that is easy to implement. Here is mine

The Morning Writing Practice Habit

Start date: 15 May 2016
Specific habit: Writing or rewrite for at least 25 minutes a day
Trigger: After my morning meditation
Reminder: Night before (reading Zen Habits book)
Review dates: 21 & 28 May, and 4, 11 & 18 June
Accountability: LYL (Live Your Legend) – Creators’ Guild
Commitment: One blog post a day for the next six weeks
Asking for support: Live Your Legend – Action & AccountabilityTeam
Potential obstacles: Taking too long to rewrite and edit the blog post
Log: Breangelo blog
Who will you share the plan with?: The readers of this blog.

Finally, there is the where and the when that still needs to be finalised. It helps to have a special space which one associates with a new habit. My desk in the study facing the morning sun is an ideal place that I associate with writing already. I can set a timer and use Freedom for an uninterrupted twenty-five-minute stretch. As far as the time of the day, I will use the already established MIT slot between my morning meditation and my run. Of course, I can always write more, but the most important to start with is to show up and stop before one tires.

Space has been created, the next step is to go up the rabbit hole!

See you tomorrow,

Breather*

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The Challenge

You_can_change

Eight years ago, during a conversation, my eldest son asked me the following question: “what interests you most?”

Generally, I don’t really like questions such as: “What is your favourite colour?” but in this instance the question struck a chord. What interested me most? This question was a tough one. At the time, I was in between two jobs wondering what I was doing with my life. I had plenty of interests, ideas and potential projects, but none seem to stick out. Things came into my life, and I would mostly meet them with enthusiasm.

Professionally, I had never pursued a clear path and was becoming a ‘jack of many trades’. When I narrowed down my experiences and interests, they usually fell into the following categories: architecture, nature, education, sustainability, health and wellbeing, self-knowledge and spiritual freedom.

As far as skills, I dabbled at this and that – not really mastering anything. So this question became meaningful. If I looked back at my life, was there a thread? What was I passionate about? I could not answer his question straight away, so promised to think about it overnight and to give him a response the next day.

After pondering about it all evening and into the night, I realised that what interested me most was change. Change – as a human phenomenon. On the material level we have altered our world entirely, yet on the psychological level, we have not really changed much. People have the potential to change, we see examples of this all around, but most of us find it very difficult to change even when it is in our interest. More importantly, I came to the realisation that unless our civilisation radically changed, we would irreversibly damage the very fabric of life and may even precipitate our own extinction as a species. External changes were needed, but more importantly deeper personal changes were required. Eventhough I did not understand it, change fascinated me and I wanted to learn about it – one tiny change at a time.

Eight years later, I feel even clearer and I want to focus my attention further on the subject of change. I have been intrigued by the simple insights of Leo Babauta who has delved on the topic of small incremental change on his blog ZenHabits.net and turned his life around in the process. Last year he has self-published a book entitled Zen Habits, Mastering the Art of Change, which I have just started to read again.

His core premise is that for a change to last one should turn it into a habit and that one should only take small steps. He really stresses the importance to only tackle one habit at a time. The challenge he gives his readers in the book is to chose one change and to put into practice everyday the advice laid out – one short chapter at a time. He also emphasises the power of accountability: tell people that you want to make this change. I am thereby publicly committing to take this challenge for the next 42 days.

So what is my change going to be? I have been writing on and off for the last three years but have found it difficult to be consistent and confident enough to share it with people. I want to make writing a daily practice and use this blog to document the process. Let’s start small. It may only be a paragraph a day, the important is to show up, to write and to share it.

Today is day zero.

Would you like to take the challenge too? Go on, choose a change you want to make and join me.

Here is a link to the book so you can start straight away:

The Zen Habits Book
(it is uncopyrighted by the author and free to share)

Good luck,

Breather*

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